Blow Me

I love a good blow job and I don’t even have a penis! Hard (no pun intended, wink wink), to believe, but I find it beyond enjoyable. I guess it comes down to a control factor. “Got em by the balls” isn’t a saying for nuthin! When you have a mans cock in your mouth, quite simply, you own him. You have supreme power to make him feel amazing. To make him moan, gasp for air, barely able to control himself. There is nothing hotter than when you know he is struggling to hold on, just one second longer.

I don’t know why women are so opposed to giving them. Most of my friends not only dislike BJ’s, they actually treat them as a chore. I have one friend who won’t give them at all. Keep in mind they are all married, so til death do them part, their poor husbands are gettin squat!

Why have woman made this into such a chore? I mean if we are going to engage in sex, shouldn’t the objective be for everyone to enjoy themselves? Are we so self involved that we only care about our own pleasure? To me it’s the same as going to the spa and not getting a massage. Put on the robe, sit in the sauna and hot tubs, let the masseuse pour hot oil on you and then hit the showers sans the rub down. Men love having their dicks sucked. If you loved them enough to marry them, bear their children, neatly fold and put away their underwear, then for heaven’s sake, give them some pleasure and suck their dicks!

I love hearing them gasp, “oh my God”, “Holy shit”, “Jesus Christ”. Do I give good head? I’ve been told I do. I’m not sure why, I have a very small mouth. Oh, maybe that is why. Nothing men love more then feeling like supreme beings by cramming their members into tight places and feeling huge! I do believe I have some skills though. That and I enjoy it. I read once that if you are enjoying yourself in bed, then you are probably good in bed. It makes perfect sense to me. If you are uninhibited and just going for it, I doubt your partner will complain. Just keep the teeth tucked and go to town. Listen to your partner. What are you doing when they are getting into it? Keep doing that. If they are lifting their hips up to meet you: go deeper. If you are going slow and getting no response try a tighter lip grip and go faster. When your lips get numb or jaw gets tired, use your hand for a minute, rub it between your tits. Just stop thinking and start doing.

And then there is eye contact. Hold their gaze just long enough to let them know that you own them. It usually sends them over the edge. Keep your tongue moving too. It’s not just about moving your mouth up and down. Explore the head of his cock with your tongue while you’re bobbing for ecstasy (even if it’s not your own). Flick it up and down his shaft, do circles around the head.

Where are your hands? That’s a tricky one: some men like to have their balls played with while others hate it. Some men like to have their prostate massaged and others loathe it. How do you massage the prostate? You have options. The taint is my favorite. Press on it gently but firmly and massage. No nails, no sudden movements. Or you can go full throttle and put your finger in his ass. Very much like when men pull this shit on women, if you head into that territory, they are going to give you the red light pretty quickly if it’s not their bag. We certainly do, now don’t we?

And the other hand? Grip the base of his cock firmly and let it follow your mouth as it moves up and down. Depending on what your partner is packing, your can have index finger to thumb, middle finger to thumb, all four fingers to thumb….. Just keep finger nails and teeth out of the equation.

And for the finale. This is entirely up to you and how much you love that man. Spit or swallow? On your face or on your tits? On his own face (when they are on their backs and really shoot one off) or belly. You are in control! You are the giver of pleasure. You decide.

If any of what I’ve written seems foreign to you, give it a shot (punning again).  Change it up. Practice on him; surely he will not mind. If you’ve been in a monogamous relationship for a number of years, this could spice it up. He will probably enjoy being a crash test dummy for your fledgling BJ fantasys a lot more than you taking a pole dancing class and gyrating out of rhythm to Prince’s “Kiss”. If you think you know exactly what he likes because you know him so well, it may have changed. After riding the same ride year in and year out, something different thrown into the mix (like a finger in the ass!) may appeal to him. Don’t ask him, just start with the taint massage and move south. What we are willing to admit we like or want changes greatly when we are in the heat of the moment. So start doing your jaw exercises, put the kids to bed and get to it. You may find an extra gift under the tree!


About Carrie

I would describe myself as a simple girl. My husband of course would laugh at this and simply point to the collection of red soled shoes in my closet for backup. So to edit that, I will say I am simple in my beliefs. I believe in love, candlelight at dinner because we all look better in candlelight, taking care of one's body, family in whatever form it comes, great sex often, Sunday matinees on the couch, a killer bottle of white followed by a killer bottle of red and someone to make me laugh. I am a writer for a local paper, discussing mostly women's issues (aka sex), hence the nod to Ms. Bradshaw with my pseudonym. Lastly, I believe that you do not have to always be a lady to be all woman.

  • CindyBin2001

    Blow jobs ARE inappropriate. They are not morally right. I’m a convert to the Mormon church and we are taught why blow jobs are morally wrong.

    • Mental Mama

      Apparently you are taught why everything is “morally wrong.” Maybe they should teach you about mental illness because it is very clear that you are extremely mentally ill. Please, for the love of Joseph Smith, seek help immediately!

      • CindyBin2001

        And you are TERRIBLE!

  • thealefamily25

    What, I love these and LOVE Carrie!!

    • thealefamily25


  • Amymomof3girls

    This post is the most extremely inappropriate thing that I’ve ever read! And Carrie, aren’t you ALWAYS the one who makes these kinds of posts? How awful!

    • What?!?!

      I could only imagine how vanilla your romance life must be? Your poor husband! Describe your life for life!

      • Amymomof3girls

        My life is amazing, so is my family and friends. And you seriously just need to stop!

        • What?!?!

          I just wanted to let you know that the person above who responded to you, stole my Username and also stole part of what I said to you in the I Touch a Myself post. I did NOT write that comment above to you, Amymom. That last sentence doesn’t even make any sense and I would never write so poorly. I have no desire to go back and forth with you and let things go after I politely asked you to take your fighting and testing of thealefamily elsewhere. I suspect that it was actually thealefamily posing as me send attempting (albeit poorly) to plagiarize me as well because if you notice her post and the fake one of mine were submitted on the same day! I’m not registered with Disqus so anyone can choose the same name as I did. Just wanted to clarify that. Signed- the REAL What?!?!

          • Amymomof3girls

            Oh. Yes, it was probably her.

      • Cindybin

        WHAT A THING TO SAY! So you are yet another Internet woman who thinks that any woman who doesn’t perform oral sex must have a terribly disappointed husband?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????

    • Carrie

      They are natural. I will echo What?!?!’s comment, your poor husband!

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