Fifty? Shmifty! The lowdown on BDSM.

I lived a BDSM lifestyle for a couple of years. The first year as a submissive and the second as a Domme.  I was introduced to the lifestyle by an Dom that approached me online, probably in a chat room (I was quite the cyberslut).  He and I chatted online and spoke on the phone for weeks, he giving instruction and directing me to various websites to study on how to be a good submissive.  How to speak to Him, (how to write to Him-note the capitalization when referring to a Dom), how to kneel, placement of your hands, avert your eyes and a myriad of other instructions to please Him. He described in great detail how safewords work, how he likes to bind his subs, how he wants to be serviced. All the while, reinforcing that the sub is the one holding the true power. It is her will & mind binding her to Him, not the other way around.  Everything I did for Him excited me beyond belief, from practicing kneeling to having Him control my orgasms (always ask permission to cum!).  And I hadn’t even met Him in person yet!

{Disclaimer-I do NOT advocate meeting a stranger in the manner I did}

After a couple of months, I found myself boarding a plane to traverse the country to meet Him.  Per his instructions, I stripped and knelt on the floor of the hotel room, waiting for His arrival.  I was so worried about what He would think of my naked body, if I would do everything right, because, despite loving the sub role, I did not relish the thought of being physically punished (something he promised would happen if I displeased Him).  As I knelt on the floor, I practically squirted when I heard the key in the door, keeping my eyes down as instructed, black boots appeared in my view. As He circled me, I felt so exposed, but this was exceptionally exciting, I could feel my labia engorging and getting wetter than I have ever been.  He stopped in front of me and told me “you may look at Me, pet”.  He put his fingers under my chin and my eyes slowly took him in from boots up. OMG-he was so fucking fat!!  Reality check #1-this lifestyle lends itself to the disenfranchised, the losers, the fringe because Domination and submission is about unconditional acceptance on the part of both parties. While it was disconcerting at first, his weight did not bother me, as he was an exceptional Dom, knowing exactly what and when to compliment, correct or command.  I proceeded to have the most intense sexual experience of my life (to that point). He made me crawl, expose myself to him, He bound me, shaved my pussy, played with my body, used me and gave me orgasms that only exist in bodice ripper novels!

The week we spent together was blissful, I even learned how to take a spanking, because it pleased Him.  Reality check #2- Not all subs are masochists, however there is a very large majority of Doms that are sadists. So, taking a beating was worth the incredible fucking I got as reward. He was masterful at flogging, crops, paddling and clamps. I even learned to like  pain a little, liked whimpering right before and then screaming when he took the nipple clamps off (It ain’t the putting on, it’s the taking off that is a bitch). My pain inflamed Him.

We made it “official” in the BDSM world when he collared me. He had a lovely black leather & chrome collar made for me. I wore it always at home with him, it made me feel secure & owned. I took a job across the country and we drove together. It was days of sexual fogginess, Him fingering me to the edge, me begging to be allowed to cum all the while driving down the highway, truckers and buses of people witnessing the humiliation that gives a sexual experience that “little something” extra.  I was constantly wet & wanting that trip.

We settled into an apartment in North Carolina and he had big entrepreneurial plans for some automotive invention he and his buddy developed. However, plans don’t pay the bills and Reality check #3-having to support a Dom eats away at his dom-ness. Nevertheless, I had never before felt more loved, accepted, revered and valued. I hung in there, hoping He would be able to start contributing to the household. But in the meantime, I was getting psycho-sexual & physical sexual needs met in a way I’d never imagined, so I held my tongue.

North Carolina has a pretty active BDSM community and we would attend “munches“ (a get together at a local pizza joint or pub with like minded people).  We befriended a couple in which she was a super masochist & while he was the Dom, he also wanted to explore “switching” (a switch is someone who goes both ways- Dom or sub). They were a perfect fit for us, in that my Dom needed to beat and wanted me to try out Domming. So, we would get together with them, He and the wife would go off to the bedroom where he would beat her ass and make her cum, and I would dress the husband up as a girl, humiliate and perform a little CBT (cock & ball torture). I was amazed at how hot  these encounters made me. After we were done with our respective scenes, my Dom & I would then go home and have incredible sex. The sadist in me was starting to awaken.     To be continued……

Mini-Glossary:

CBT: Cock & Ball torture, using various means, causing pain to male genitalia

Collaring: act in which a Dom lays claim to a sub by providing a collar or a symbolic collar, could be a necklace, bracelet, piercing

Dom or Domme: Male or Female that dominates another for pleasure

Masochist: person who craves and/or sexually excited by pain

Munch: A function in which like-minded BDSM folk get together to share a meal or drink in a vanilla establishment.

Sadist: person who likes and/or sexually excited by inflicting pain

Safeword: pre-arranged word or action that indicates the sub needs a break

Scene: the period of time in which a Dom & sub are playing. Inclusive of beating, sexual torture or mundane tasks. Includes private or public displays.

Submissive (sub): person that receives, welcomes, needs domination

Switch: someone who both Dominates & submits

Vanilla: Not BDSM  or “regular” folk

 

About Carrie

I would describe myself as a simple girl. My husband of course would laugh at this and simply point to the collection of red soled shoes in my closet for backup. So to edit that, I will say I am simple in my beliefs. I believe in love, candlelight at dinner because we all look better in candlelight, taking care of one's body, family in whatever form it comes, great sex often, Sunday matinees on the couch, a killer bottle of white followed by a killer bottle of red and someone to make me laugh. I am a writer for a local paper, discussing mostly women's issues (aka sex), hence the nod to Ms. Bradshaw with my pseudonym. Lastly, I believe that you do not have to always be a lady to be all woman.

  • sensual_lover

    Wow Carrie! I’m trying to get my mind around the twisted thinking of BDSM. Although I would consider myself dominant and get very turned on by a woman who is submissive and will let me have my way with her, I just don’t understand how getting humiliated would be a turn on. Tell me more about what goes on inside your head!

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