Freaks of the Week

freaks of the weekHoly Google Search Batman!  There were some doozies this week.  Not necessarily freaky but definitely on the wild side.  Simply put, everyone is looking to get laid. Now some of you may point a freaky finger at us after reading Carrie’s BDSM Post. That’s cool.  We all get a little freaky sometimes. For example, here are the top 5 freaks of the week:

 

an entire bottle of wine can fit in a Starbucks. This one troubles me.  Because here is what could be some really useful information, left as an incomplete thought.  Now I am going to go to my local Starbucks (which I have broken up with) and systematically find what container will house a bottle of wine? You know, for those times when my alcoholic self needs to drink a bottle in public without getting busted. Probably not.  I am, however, going to keep an eye out for the staggering yuppie with a venti full of vino.

i have friends. Was this person searching for proof or reciting a daily affirmation? Poor lamb.  Of course you have friends sweetie. We just hope you don’t have a dog named Precious.

girl with champagne bottle make it nasty. No thank you.  We like our bubbles just as they are. No need to defile a grape while he is celebrating.

cattle sex. Pretty certain, unless you are researching this for farming reasons, what you are thinking of doing is illegal. And gross.

National Geographic tits. I had no idea this was still a thing.  I figured between the internet and Joe Francis the demand was extinct. Who knew?

 

And for the Bonus Round:

gay elf sex. Curious, I put this in google search myself and it did not disappoint. Go ahead try it, get your freak on. There are many an article about Tolkien’s Elves from Lord of The Rings and the hot sex they were having.  Not certain as to why it wasn’t in the movie, cough cough Mr. Bloom. The best comment regarding gay elf sex that I found was from the website www.nerdnyc.com.  It read, “I hear Dragon Age (video game) comes with tons of gay elf sex. Two questions: Does it really? If so where the fuck is the hot gay dwarf sex?”

That is funny!

 

There you have it. Now go put your Elf suit on and get freaky!

About woman

I am a thirty-something-five. I still look at grown-ups and marvel at how adult they are. I have one husband and one baby boy and I feel fortunate for every misstep and every leap because it is that path that brought me to them. I have a Master's Degree in Acting from DePaul University and I wish that I used it more. Something that I am working on. I lived in 5 different states only to end up back in my hometown. Wine was really introduced to me after I promoted a wine and jazz festival in the Northwest. I moved home to run my father's flagship automobile dealership which he owned for some 40 years before his retirement. Until recently I was spending a lot of time searching for myself. I kept greeting the day making plans to change the next one (my dad always told me I was a procrastinator). Now it seems I have found a fire. The futures so bright...